Ridin’ Solo: How to roadtrip alone, sane, and keep your friends

A couple weeks ago, I was talking to my good friend who will be getting married in a month. We had lived together for a year while we were both in school. Now, she is going have a different, more permanent roommate, and we were reminiscing about our roommateship of yore.

“Jenna, I wish you could be out here. We could talk, eat food, watch movies, experience all those goodie times together.”

And I thought–why couldn’t I be out there? I wouldn’t have obligations for another month. I had all the time in the world. I glanced upward to the lightbulb hovering over my head: ROAAAAADTRIPPPP!! (party of one, please).

Now, the trip from Montana to the West Coast isn’t a small undertaking, but it’s not undoable alone. This is also not my first road trip alone, so I feel I’ve gleaned a few things in my treks back and forth from the coast to the mid-West, both alone and with buddies. It is these I would like to share with you, dear reader, if ever you are crazy enough to take such an undertaking yourself.

The plusses of Ridin’ Solo:

1. You are able to tap into your free spirit

Why, yes, I do think I need to see the world’s largest shrimp monument!

• Go wherever the wind may blow you. You are flexible, subject to no one. You see a sign advertising the world tallest can of Campbell’s Soup? Detour. Snap that photo.

2. You are Lord of the Music.

• You have complete control and creative license of the music and/or audio book choices. No one can tell you that belting Disney songs at age 23 is childish, or that both the Ramones and the Smiths sound like they are singing with Cheetos shoved up their nose, or that Bossypants is not an intellectually stimulating audiobook choice.

3. You determine your pit stops. 

• I have the bladder of an Egyptian camel. I do not need many pit stops. Thus, I have control of when I stop. When road-tripping with buddies, you are at the mercy of their bladder control.

4. You can talk (and sing) to yourself in silly voices with absolutely no judgment.

• I am  currently fine-tuning my Nicki Minaj and Hilary Clinton impression.

The downsides of road tripping alone:

1. No one to share driving responsibility and keep you awake
   

• Obviously the biggest pitfall of Riding Solo. You must keep a strict regiment of caffeine and hydrating fluids, protein, alternating cheek pinches and slaps, obnoxiously catchy music you can’t help but sing along to, and the ever popular “call a friend” option.

2. I spy games are very dull indeed

Me: I spy with my little eye…

Me: That Arby’s Sign.

Me: Curses! Correct again! Hey, that reminds me, I’m hungry.

3. Your phone bill racks up as you use your minutes to call outsiders to keep you alert.

• Don’t text and drive, kids! Also, I wish I had bluetooth. Trying to talk on the phone, eat a cheeseburger, and steer with my knees should be an olympic event (don’t follow my example).

4. When your GPS acts up and gets you completely lost, there’s no one with you to bring you down from imagining yourself reenacting scenes from “Cast Away”.

• You know, I’m beginning to think keeping an updated, old-fashioned map in the glove box ain’t a bad idea. My GPS is on crack.

5. Talking to yourself and making silly faces for too long can result in in a psychotic break

• Including and not limited to: split personalities, paranoia, cabin fever, conspiracy theories about the radio stations.

6. No one to keep you accountable for keeping car clean.

• Having a buddy in the car allows one to have self control in keeping a small space clean in courtesy to the other who is occupying a shared environment. Not having this causes chaos in the ecosystem. Food containers spread everywhere–on the floor, in the back seat, on the ceiling, underneath you as you sit. It’s no way to exist.

But, fellow traveller, I want to leave you with some legitimate advice if you do decide (or are obligated to) travel alone:

1. Hydrate!
   • And that does not include drinking a gallon of caffeine. Water is extremely important for both energy and health.
2. Pack good snacks and limit your fast food stops
   • Trail mix, bananas, sandwiches. Don’t just pack junk food, but healthy snacks with substance. This will give you energy and not make you feel like the grease monster from the Black Lagoon after consuming–being in a car with yourself for hours on end can be gross enough. And trust me, you don’t want to sit with yourself after having downed Mc Donald’s–the after effects are…unpleasant.
3. Prepare a playlist in advance
   • Sometimes I like to listen to that classic radio, but it can get old quickly. Have a supply of your favorite tunes. Oh, and it’s good to have catchy, singable tunes to keep you alert. As much as I love that indy-folk, many times on the long, windy road, it can be pretty sleep inducing.
     

     Mock…YEAH!…ing….YEAH!…BIRD!…..YEAH!…Yeah!…YEAH!

4. If you are feeling sleepy, call someone
   • Music alone is not a solution. Philosophical discussions with yourself are very one-sided. Sometimes you gotta call backup. Call a family member or a good friend.
5. Pull over and nap if you need to.
   • If your time is flexible, pull over and rest for a kipper. Even resting your eyelids for 10 or 20 minutes can be the rejuvenation you
     need.
     
6. Never have time to read? Catch up your literary undertakings by listening to an audiobook
   • Libraries are amazing. For free, you can check out that book on existentialism or that new John Green romance, whatever rocks your eardrums, and listen on your way to your destination
7. Have a disposal system
   • I mess this one up time and time again (pun intended), but really, have something to control your ecosystem. Having a clean road environment will keep you sane on the road and you and your car smelling fresh. You don’t want to turn up to your destination and greet your coworker, boss, friend, family smelling like day-old cheeseburger and with a gum wrapper stuck to your keister (Air fresheners and/or laundry fabric softeners ain’t bad to have around either). Look at this road trip lifehack:

A cereal dispenser turned garbage container? Nifty!

8. Download fuel saving apps

• Ahh technology. How wonderful. You know what else is wonderful? Saving money on fuel. Use your technology to do so. Download apps like Gas Buddy to find the cheapest places to gas up.

9. Don’t speed and be safe on the road

• I know, I know “thanks, Mom”. But take it from a girl with experience, you lose a lot more time getting pulled over than those few minutes you gain speeding. Also, there’s so many crazies out there. On this last road trip, I saw a lady cruising down the interstate with her foot out the driver’s side window. No, you read that correctly. Her foot. On the interstate. Driving.

10 . Have fun!

• Just because you are alone doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy yourself! If your time is flexible, find those hole in the wall places along the way to stop and experience. Collect stories to share with family and friends when you finally get where you meant to go.

Happy trails and godspeed, fellow traveler!